MISTRESS SANDRA ON FEMALE LED FAMILIES

(Note from Thomas Lavalle: A half-dozen years ago, when this blog was first launched, I was privileged to publish several guest posts by “Mistress Sandra.” A frequent commenter to Mistress Kathy’s (currently dormant) Femdom 101 blog, Mistress Sandra was known for her passionate advocacy of, and informative comments on, femdom marriages. In her observations below, she ventures carefully and judiciously into the sensitive terrain of female-led families.)

Female Led Families & Dominant Daughters

This subject is extremely controversial, and I think we can all see why. But for those who truly believe in the positive aspects of female rule, a daughter coming of age and becoming a female authority to any male in the home, including her father, should be very natural.

I do think that in a home where this is a possibility, the ultimate female authority and head of the house, the wife and mother, should carefully consider how far this should go. Her comfort with whatever happens should be the most important consideration when the time comes.

A woman who believes in Female-Led homes should pass these beliefs on to her daughter, and teach her how to be a proper and positive female authority as she prepares for a Female-Led home of her own.

What about the father? His behavior should be an example to his daughter of how a well-trained, obedient and devoted male should act. As young teens, girls should see their father being very obedient and respectful to their mother. The father should do the housework, yard work and serve his wife in other ways as she wishes. He should also serve his daughter in ways that will benefit her without being overly obvious about his beliefs in the value of Female-Led homes. A man must balance between being a father while also being a respectful servant to his daughter.

Later, as a girl get older, usually around her late teens, she may be ready to start leading. At this stage fathers can be more open about taking orders from their daughters and waiting on them as opportunities arise. By the time a girl turns 21, she is a woman and deserving of being shown the same respect and obedience as her mother.

It would not be out of line if a mother decided at some point that her daughter should be addressed with a “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Ma’am” by her father. She could be given a position of authority to approve or deny any request by her father, and also to assign him chores and correct him as she sees fit. Her evolving position of authority, if it is to be valid, must include the authority to correct or discipline any male in her service.

It is fortunate indeed if a young woman can learn from her mother how a confident woman trains a submissive male, and to have a father who sets an example for proper male behavior in a Female-Led home! This is one of the best and most positive beginnings I can think of for her own journey to a happy Femdom marriage.

Each female-led home is different, and it is up to the head of the family to decide the degree and timing of a daughter’s involvement. There are many things to consider. The daughter’s interests, abilities, confidence and maturity are just a few. Also, the male’s level of training as well as past devoted service to his daughter. Has the daughter been raised in a home under strict femdom rules and protocols? Does she fully comprehend and embrace her position as a female authority in regard to him?

It is up to the female head of the family to integrate all these factors properly. This is her responsibility as the ultimate female authority in the home. She must balance her husband’s position as a father with his position as a household servant, while making sure that her daughter’s rightful place as a female authority within the home is also upheld and respected.

When done correctly—i.e., taking all of the above-mentioned factors into consideration—and depending on some key elements falling perfectly into place, I see no reason why young adult daughters shouldn’t be introduced to female dominance and leadership. This will enable them to avoid many of the mistakes other women may make when they embark on a Female-Led lifestyle.

By his submissive example, a devoted father can teach his daughter the proper way for men to behave toward women. Seeing his daily dedication to obey, serve and defer to all females in the family will help a daughter mature into a confident young woman who accepts and understands her growing authority.

In Female Led homes with more than one woman, such as roommates or sisters living together, each woman should have equal authority to instruct, supervise and discipline the males. This also applies in homes where there is a mother and daughter, once the mother has determined that her daughter is mature enough to properly handle the situation. Under the mother’s loving guidance, if the daughter is willing, she should be encouraged, by careful stages, to assume equal authority over the male. Anything less will eventually be destructive to the established matriarchal order in the home.

The Civilizing of Men in a Matriarchal Home

I learned a long time ago that women civilize men. Meaning that women are the reason men settle down, marry, have children, and become good providers. In other words, they take on the responsibilities of an adult.

In a matriarchal home—i.e., where the man also takes on the role of an obedient servant—this civilizing of males goes beyond what is seen in the average home. In the matriarchal home the male is trained to serve and obey without hesitation, and to anticipate the needs and wants of the women first and to show them the proper respect. In a matriarchal home males crave the peace of mind and privilege that come from kneeling before a woman as her unquestioning servant, and the profound honor of serving her in any way required for her pleasure and benefit.

From what I’ve seen and experienced in my own home, as well as in the homes of many other dominant women, Female Led is the ideal domestic arrangement for women and men to achieve harmony and happiness on an enduring basis.

Final Thoughts

Once again, in a properly structured female-led family, all the women, including older teen daughters, should be given authority over the males. Of course, the specific rules in every home will differ, depending on the wishes of the female head of the house. But the males must clearly understand that every woman, regardless of her age, is to be respected and obeyed. Once the rules and protocols are set, no woman should be questioned by the males. Anything other than this will only lead to confusion and a breakdown in essential matriarchal discipline.

In a Femdom home there is a time for males to speak. At other times, if a male has something to say, he should follow the proper protocol for how and when to ask permission to speak. Also, males should be trained to stop talking immediately when directed to do so by a woman.

THE HUSBAND’S GUIDE by “Leo”

 (Note from Thomas Lavalle: “The Husband’s Guide” is a short extract from an unpublished, long-form story, “Female Supremacy at Home,” by a lifelong advocate for female supremacy and matriarchal values. Having happily published some of the writer’s memoirs in an earlier version of this blog, I can attest that “Leo” knows intimately whereof he speaks. He was himself raised in a multi-generational matriarchal clan in which females ruled supreme and males learned to live by strict rules that in all essentials agreed with those listed below.)

The Husband’s Guide

This little guide is intended to assist husbands in their married life so that they understand that a husband is meant to serve his Wife. The guide has been written in a language simple enough that even a man is able to understand it.

First of all, and the most important thing, is that you must be perfectly clear that you are only a man, which means that you are inferior to Women.

Why? Simply because this is how Mother Nature dictates it. That is all you need to know; do not strain yourself trying to understand things that you are not able to understand.

So let’s see the main precepts:

1.       The husband is just a male, he is inferior.

2.       The husband must be utterly subservient to his Wife

3.       The husband is to honor, obey and serve his Wife.

This guide will teach you through a series of practical tips on what the husband’s behavior should be.

Basic Rules That Every Husband Should Have Clear

1.       The husband is to be faithful, humble, respectful, quiet and obedient.

2.       Never forget that your Wife is your Superior, her word is law. She orders, you obey.

3.       Whenever you are in her presence, your attitude must be submissive and respectful; keep your head slightly bowed, do not look at her directly in the eyes unless she demands it.

4.       If you are going to speak to her, do so in a moderate and respectful tone of voice. Be brief, watch your words; she is not interested in listening to your nonsense.

5.       You should always address her with due respect. Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am, or in the way that she decides you should address her.

6.       Show respect toward her female relatives and friends.

7.       Never interrupt her when she is speaking; but if she interrupts you while you speak, shut up immediately and apologize for your impertinence.

8.       Never expect her to give you explanations for what she does or decides. It is none of your business.

9.       Respect her privacy; don’t go wherever she is if she hasn’t called you.

10.      You are just a man, and thus are entitled to no privacy at all. If your wife decides that you should be naked at home, either temporarily or permanently, that’s how it should be, period.

11.      The husband does not leave home without his wife’s permission.

12.      The husband does not watch TV without his wife’s permission, and he will see only what she deems convenient for him to see.

13.      The husband only reads what his wife authorizes him to read or orders him to read.

14.      The wife never asks her husband for favors. She gives him orders and she does not have to thank him. What she expects is that her orders are carried out to the letter, period.

15.      The husband must be grateful for all that his wife gives him, be it a small favor that she grants him or a harsh beating. Everything that she gives him is for his own sake.

Sexual Life and Women’s Rights

Let us remember that the husband must be completely subordinate to his Wife, and that the husband must be faithful to his Wife.

When a man marries, he becomes his Wife’s property, which means that he does not have free will, because his will depends on the will of his Wife. This is how the rights that the Wife has over her husband are established.

That is why the Wife does not have to be faithful to her husband. She has every right to fuck whomever she wants, when she wants and how she wants.

That is why she does not have to be accountable to her husband or explain her decisions and actions.

That is why the Wife has the right to rule her husband as she pleases and assert Her Authority as she sees fit.

All of the above apply to sexual life. The Wife is totally free to enjoy her sexuality as she wishes; that includes having lovers if she wishes and using her husband sexually as she pleases.

What About the Outside World?

Radical Feminists and Female Supremacists are the kind of women who are coherent with their principles. They are women who often boast of the authority they have over their husbands. That is why nowadays it is more common to see a woman giving orders to her husband or scolding him in front of other people. These are normal behaviors when the woman is the one who rules at home. The good news is that this trend is growing, thanks to the unstoppable empowerment of women that we are seeing every day.

So, the best thing you can do as a husband is to get used to your wife bossing you around, scolding you and even slapping you in public, all of which is happening frequently as there are more and more women like her.

If your wife reprimands you or slaps you in the presence of other women, just shut up and bow your head humbly unless you really want to enrage her and end up paying dearly for your insolence as soon as she gets you to a place of privacy or back home.

A real woman feels ashamed if her husband dares to show the slightest sign of insubordination or disrespect when you and she are with other women, especially women who share her Female Supremacist values; so if you ever shame her in such a way, rest assured that the beating she gives you is going to be memorable.

The husband should read this little guide at least twice a week. It is a good habit that will help him to have a satisfactory and useful married life.

*

DEBRA’S SON: GUIDELINES FOR GYNARCHIC OR MATRIARCHAL FAMILIES

 

(A note from Thomas Lavalle: The following post by Debra’s Son was previously published on this blog. After having removed and now reinstated the entire blog, I am proud to republish it. On rereading, I am again impressed with the clarity of statement and simplicity of the “argument,” which I mean only in the philosophical sense. The case for matriarchal family values is here given a most persuasive presentation; and, of course, Debra’s Son is not simply an advocate but an example of the wholesomeness of female-led family dynamics, having grown up in a matriarchy and then married into one in which he lives blissfully and obediently.)

Debra's Son: I’ve been asked to share some thoughts on the family dynamics of a gynarchic or matriarchal household. First, let me make clear that the following is based solely on my personal life experiences described elsewhere on this blog. This makes mine a somewhat informed, experienced opinion, I’d argue, but an opinion nonetheless. In my examples, I’ll use a family formed by a Wife, husband and children for convenience only. These suggestions can apply to any family type.

To rein in my tendency toward long-windedness, I’m going to use a trite but hopefully effective aid to put my few random thoughts in some sort of order—the anagram. In this case, the anagram is W*O*M*A*N.

The first letter, “W,” stands for Wisdom. 

I don’t believe it’s wise to post just a set of gynarchic principles on the wall, no matter
how clear and precise, and expect everybody in the household to follow them or be punished. A cult-like isolation is required for such a method by itself to be effective. In the modern world, our kids are influenced by the Internet, their peers, celebrities, teachers, the watchful eyes of various officials, and a thousand other things.

Our ideas regarding female superiority must compete with mainstream culture and win. This is where wisdom comes in. If I could give only one sentence of advice it would be this: Teach by Examples First, and Concepts Second. We have to show our kids that gynarchy works in a practical sense. All adult males in the household, be they fathers, brothers, uncles, “mannies” or non-familial servants, have to show that serving and obeying females is a privilege, as well as a fulfilling and proper way of life. 

An adult male ought to go about his chores cheerfully during the day and expect the younger males to help him as a matter of course. It’s not so different from the older patriarchal practice of women taking pride in their culinary and housekeeping skills, and passing that pride and skill on to their daughters. A male needs to show pride and skill in everything from managing the mundane task of monthly bill paying, to fixing a teenager’s broken heel, to cleaning the commode (and keeping the seat down), depending on what the ladies of the house want and expect of him. 

As for concepts, they can be taught formally, of course, from any number of sources, just as religious parents teach their kids from scriptures. But in my experience, informal chats and musings are at least as effective, probably more so. For example, let’s say a father or manny is preparing a favorite dessert of Mom’s or of one of the girl’s. One or more boys are helping him. There’s a radio or TV on, reporting some major or minor wrong against a woman by a male (there’s never a shortage of such reports) . Depending on the story, the father might say, “Men like that are a big part of what’s wrong with this world. Look at the way he treated her. The gall! He really thinks he has the right to do that. Real men know better. Real men know that everyone would be a lot happier if women were in charge and led the way.” A boy of any age can learn something from nonchalant comments like these. Girls too, if they’re nearby.

Having said the above, let me admit that formal instruction is vital. We ought to be able to defend our way of life to our kids the same as anybody else. We can use older texts like those mentioned elsewhere on this blog, as well as contemporary ones such as Sheila Ellison’s (ed.) If Women Ruled the World or Donlan and Graves’ Her Turn: Why It’s Time for Women to Lead in America. A word of caution, though. Don’t get caught up in endless debate with a child. A sharp boy (or girl, for that matter) can pick holes in the most coherent philosophy just for the thrill of it. If that happens, you need to say something like, “That’s enough. This is how we do things here. If you don’t see the wisdom of it now, you might when you get older.”

“O” is for Oversight.

If you’re a male with some authority in the home, you should make sure it’s known by all that everything you do or want done is ordered or sanctioned by the female(s) in charge. In my experience, indicating this fact repeatedly through casual chitchat is effective. For example, you’re moving furniture around, and you might say, within earshot of the kids, something like, “All right. Mom wants this table moved over here, because she and Haley need more room when they do Pilates. Tim, Danny, take the other end and lift. Mom will be back soon, so we better get this done.”

Any male you enlist to help must be aware of who is really in charge, and the younger they are when they learn this, the better. If you’re not sure of what to do, say, “We have to ask Mom” or “Mom needs to know about this,” and, of course, “Wait till Mom comes home!” ought to be a classic phrase in the matriarchal household. 

Now, if phrases like those above are repeated enough, I can almost guarantee that before long a child is going to say something like, “Is Mom the boss here?” Your response should be a firm, serious, “Yes, Mom is the boss here.” Say it as though it’s the most natural thing in the world (as it really is), conveying the fact that you wouldn’t want it any other way. If the child wants to know why, give him or her intelligent reasons, but as I mentioned above, don’t get caught up in an argument. Make it clear that we adults think that matriarchy is better for everyone, and that’s the way it’s going to be. 

“M” is for Maturity.

Again, setting an example is key. An adult male should not complain about his lot. Don’t grouse or show resentment over the sacrifices you have to make and the orders you have to obey. And, above all, don’t use the children as confidants for your venting. You agreed to live in a matriarchal household, so suck it up. If you have concerns or problems, take them up with the appropriate female, according to the procedure she’s laid down. You are subordinate, and you have to bear that with cheerful, stoic perseverance and pride, as an example to everyone else in the household.

Females are going to have more privileges from birth, and will gain ever more authority as they mature. It is up to you to show the other males how to react. It’s likely that girls will have the bigger bedrooms, more privacy and downtime, more autonomy and money, and, as soon as they are able, the privilege of command. To use a military parallel, you might be an experienced master sergeant, but as your adolescent daughter matures, she becomes a lieutenant, and you have to recognize her authority and obey her within the limits of reason and safety. All females are officers or officer candidates, and males are perpetually enlisted. Your job is to simultaneously aid your wife in teaching the “Officers” leadership skills while setting an example for the “enlisted” and preventing too much resentment among them.

I’ll take time now to mention the obvious. The most important foundation for everything else is love. Boys need to know their place, but they should never feel unloved or unwanted. If they get enough affection and attention, they will be a lot less likely to rebel against the established matriarchal household order. Sometimes it takes conscious effort on our part. As Gynarchists, Matriarchists, Female Supremacists, etc. (choose your term), our natural instinct is to favor the females in our lives, whatever their ages. That’s fine, but we should do it with wisdom and skill.

“A” is for Ancillary Aspects.

This is a broad topic, and I won’t spend much time on it because the details will vary among families. It includes whatever peripherally promotes gynarchy and female superiority. Everything from special ceremonies and celebrations, to art reproductions and decorations, to the books and magazines that lie around the house. I’ve mentioned a few examples from my own childhood in other posts, such as the celebration ceremony my family had when a girl reached menarche, the artwork depicting heroines from history and mythology, and classic books on matriarchy. Even hobbies and craft projects can be employed for this purpose. In my childhood home, a feminist spiritual atmosphere was prominent. I remember my mom having me help her create a small wall-hanging that put a twist on the famous religious quote. It said: “AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE GODDESS.”

Again, however, these aspects will vary widely depending on the household. My wife has made it clear that while she wants to retain some Goddess symbolism, she prefers a more “secular” atmosphere overall. She’s going to emphasize more contemporary heroines from the STEM fields and athletics, and naturally I’ll follow her lead in this direction.

“N” is for Normalize.

Every idea and manifestation of matriarchy must be made a normal part of everyday life. Ideally, from the time your family is formed until the last person leaves or passes, female rule and privilege should run through everyone’s life like a string through the beads of a necklace. There would be no necklace without the string, and there would be no family without matriarchy. Like the string, matriarchy might not always be blatantly visible to outsiders, but it will be there, holding the family together.

There’s no one way to achieve this, of course, but in my opinion, a stable, productive household atmosphere, routine but not boring or stultifying, is vital. Males need to know what is expected of them, and females need guidance to enable them to enjoy their power and privilege within the family as early as possible. The senior adults of the family, regardless of gender, need to have their act together. That’s not always possible, but it should be the goal, because if there’s too much dysfunction (I’m thinking of things like drug abuse) among those in charge, matriarchy won’t save the family. Speaking of things that are not always possible, any matriarchal family needs to try hard to find at least one other functional matriarchal or gynarchic family. The sense of community, even among only a couple of families, can have tremendous benefits that are too obvious to need explaining.

Our household now consists of my wife, myself, a son, and a daughter on the way. Using what I’ve learned from my own childhood and from helping raise my nieces, I’m trying to take my own advice—that is, I’m trying to set a good example above all. Her son is only 3, but he already sees that his mother has supreme authority in our home. He watches her tell her older husband what to do and he sees me do it with cheerfulness and alacrity. We want to normalize female authority for him, so when he faces the situation in the future when his younger sister becomes a “lieutenant” and he’s still a “private,” he’ll see it as simply the way things are done. And if we’re successful in getting across the reasons why, and showing how well and happy our family can be, he’ll see it as the way things ought to be done.

To me that’s the most important thing: Passing gynarchy onto the next generation. 

*

Debra’s Son: “There Were More Matriarchal Families Than People Think”

[Note from Thomas Lavalle: “Debra’s Son,” a regular reader of this blog, shares his reminiscences of growing up in a matriarchal, Goddess-worshipping home.]

Although I was not aware of it back in the ‘60s and ‘70s when I grew up, I’m now convinced were a lot more matriarchal families like ours in those years than many people think, perhaps due in part to the countercultural influences of the time.

In my case, my parents were originally sort of lapsed hippies before they met, for want of a better way of describing them. My mom then got involved in a sort of radical feminism of the sex-positive type, and combined it with her own take on Goddess worship. These two main concepts informed the way she saw the world and the way she ran her household. My dad loved and adored her, and he went along earnestly on her journey. They are still together, in fact, and she’s still very much in charge.

I’m the oldest of three children. One boy (myself) and two girls, one two years younger than I and one four years younger. We didn’t have much of an extended family, but mom had a couple of like-minded female friends who also had obedient husbands and children, and we’d all get together for parties, etc.

Our house was led by my mom from as far back as I remember, so a house where females were privileged was normal to me. My dad was attentive, affectionate, and totally obedient to my mom, but I never thought of him as weak or wimpy. He was very intelligent, strong, had good character, and was a great helpmeet to mom. He was a tax accountant who worked from home (mom insisted, so that he could do a lot of the child care), while she was in real estate and went on business trips occasionally.

Mom never preached female supremacy per se, but she had a sizable library of matriarchal works, like Bachofen’s Mother Right, Gould-Davis’s The First Sex and Diner’s Mother’s and Amazons, to name only three. She also had fictional works that promoted female superiority, and even sci-fi movies with such themes. They were never forced on us, but we all were encouraged to read or at least thumb through them, or watch them, and we did, including dad.

There was also a definite feminine atmosphere in the home. By that I mean there were art works depicting strong or vibrant women like reproductions of paintings by Klimt or small versions of sculptures like “Standing Woman” by Lachaise. The lighting and color schemes throughout the house were soft pastels, even in my room, and there was plush furniture and a lot of throw pillows. Mom didn’t allow anything very masculine, but I honestly never felt deprived. My toys were mostly learning toys or chemistry sets or something like that. Certainly no war toys, Goddess forbid.

I tended automatically to take my behavioral cues from dad while the girls took theirs from mom. That means I helped dad do all the household chores and take care of the younger kids while I wasn’t in school or on weekends. It was dad’s and my responsibility to make all the beds, do the laundry, including special hand-washing if necessary, run errands and grocery shop, pick up after the girls if they dropped their clothes on the floor, fix all meals and bring snacks from the kitchen if we were told to, etc. 

LOL, the girls used to run me ragged. If they wanted something, they’d just snap their fingers and point, and I’d run to get it. They learned early that men and boys were nothing to be afraid of or deferred to. I remember my youngest sister used to make me stand still and hold my hands behind by back. Then she’d playfully slap my face, with one of her hands, then the other, back and forth, sometimes slapping a little harder and harder to see if I was tough enough to take it. 

I can certainly relate to the importance of female birthdays. My mom practiced a form of goddess worship, and in addition to birthdays, she also celebrated the menarche (i.e., a girl’s first menstrual cycle). When my sisters experienced this, she’d celebrate with a private party for them. Only females were allowed to attend. For my mom, it was an important event on the path to womanhood.

Mom’s policy on authority was to give my sisters as much as they proved they could handle. My dad and I were the only males in the house, and the only time we were allowed to disobey my sisters was when they’d want to do something unsafe, or something against mom’s prior rules, etc. When they were adolescents and teens, they used their authority mainly for their own convenience, such as wanting snacks, or their rooms cleaned or special items laundered, errands run, etc. When they became young adults they were more interested in how dad and I were behaving and what we were doing during our free time, and whether we were taking care of the house, keeping the bills and insurances paid, and performing other duties mom required of us. In other words, giving mom a break by helping her monitor us.

The funny thing is I never felt like I was at any disadvantage. Dad and I made
that house run and we took pride in that. The fact that we catered to and obeyed the females in our lives just seemed perfectly natural, like the way things ought to be. Of course, I can see now that mom’s teaching and the atmosphere of our home had a lot to do with that. Still, I’m very happy with the way I grew up, and I’m still close to my parents and sisters.

Mom and the girls rarely did any chores unless dad or I was sick. If they had to do them because we got behind or were goofing off too much, we got punished. For whatever reason, mom didn’t believe in corporal punishment, however. Her favorite mode of discipline was down time. That means, if we disobeyed twice, or we did something more serious only once and didn’t have a good excuse, mom would send us to our room and to bed—for the rest of the day and night, even if it wasn’t even noon yet. We had to stay in bed and the room had to stay dark the whole time. If we were going to act like babies, we’d be treated like babies, she said. Dad and I were both subject to this. 

I remember a number of times when he had disobeyed, or he’d be a little too argumentative, Mom would suddenly say, “Okay, that’s enough. It’s nap time, Jim. You’ll see us in the morning.” Then she’d point to the bedroom. He’d go, sullen and sorry, but he’d go. The girls’ discipline, however, was different, and much less frequent. They’d lose privileges, or maybe be grounded if it was something really serious, but they never had to stay in their rooms like dad and I did.

The relationship between dad and mom was loving and affectionate, but I don’t think they had intercourse. I eavesdropped one time and, from what I heard, mom let him perform cunnilingus on her, but that was it. She cuckolded him pretty regularly, too. The boyfriends she had were intelligent and gentlemanly, and she’d invite them to the house and sometimes they’d stay over while dad slept in a spare room. It might seem strange but to the rest of us this all seemed perfectly within mom’s right. It was and is inconceivable, of course, that dad would ever be allowed to be with another woman. I truly believe he’s been chaste since virtually the beginning of their marriage.

Having said all the above, I can honestly say I feel nothing but tremendous pride in both my parents. They live they way they want to and they raised three fine successful kids, if I do say so myself. Anyway, I’m sorry this took so long, but as I said, there are more of us out there than is thought, so I just wanted to tell my particular history. Glad of course to answer any questions, but mainly I want to thank you for such a great blog, Thomas.

—Debra’s Son

The Empress Arises, Part 2: The Femdom Engagement

(Editor’s Note: This follow-on to the posting of May 31, 2022 features another short excerpt from The Empress Arises. It was co-authored by “Ivy Ann and Bobbi Rigger” and published by Lulu in 20111 but has been, sadly, out of print now for some years.—Thomas Lavalle)

THE FEMDOM ENGAGEMENT

Once you have established at least the first collar, you may go still further and consider actual marriage.

Should you decide to marry, you can formally signify your commitment to one another in precisely the way that other couples do, by getting “engaged.” The difference is that it is up to her to propose to him. Or, more accurately, to tell him that she has decided that he will marry her.

There are several ceremonies that you may wish to use for this. Some couples like to include it with their collaring ceremony. We, however, preferred to make it a separate rite entirely. We suggest something as follows:

Once he is entirely broken in and understands his complete submission to her, she selects some time when they are alone. Perhaps it is a Saturday morning. After he has served her breakfast, and she has finished, she assumes a seated position on the bed or else sits in a chair in some other room of the house. She will have purchased a ring by this time, and she will place it on a table or other surface next to her. Next to it she places his cock ring.

She then directs her man to undress and stand naked before her. If he is not already wearing his collar, he should put it on now.

Once he has obeyed, she will sit for a moment and regard him. At her signal, he will sink to his knees.

She will learn forward and take his chin in her hand and raise his head so that he will look her in the face.

”I have decided,” she will say, “that we are to be wed. You will swear to love, honor and obey me forever. Do you understand?”

He will say yes; or, if commanded to be silent, nod.

“You will wear my ring and be my property.”

Again, he will nod, or, if permitted to speak, will say, “Yes, my Queen.”

“You must understand. You will give up all hope of freedom and individuality. I will own you as I would any other chattel or object. You will be mine to have, to hold, to reject, to cast away, or to keep, as I desire. Do you understand?”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“Then extend your left hand.”

When he does so, she takes the ring and places it on his ring finger. She says, “With this ring, I thee claim. Do you understand?”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“Stand, but remain at attention.”

He does so. Then she reaches forward and places the cock ring around his penis. “With this second ring,” she says, “I remind you of your submission to me. You have surrendered your manhood, your body and your soul to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“Very well. I therefore complete my ownership of you.”

At her signal, he returns to the floor. Again, at her signal, he lies on his back. She mounts him and rides him until she is satisfied.

                                                                                ### 

Matriarchal Marriage of Mr. Lisa, Part 2

(Continued from previous posting; excerpted from the Spousechat archive on Mark Remond’s Wife Worship website.—Thomas Lavalle)

PAMPERING HER IN PUBLIC

CHARLES: One of the things Lisa likes is to lie by the pool or at the beach with me sitting at her feet, even if there are chairs available. She says it keeps me alert and aware of any needs she may have as she relaxes. I am always at the ready in case she needs something. I have also had some experiences where Lisa had me call her ma’am in public.

FINDING A DOMINANT WOMAN

CHARLES: A man looking for a woman like Lisa could start by taking a job as a receptionist at a real estate agency or at a female-run law firm. This will expose him to powerful, assertive women, and he can possibly build a relationship that way.

TAKING HER NAME

CHARLES: Recently Lisa and I did discuss the whole name issue, and Lisa decided (and naturally I agreed) that as a couple we are going to start using Ms. Lisa and Mr. Charles “Smith” as Ms. Lynda has suggested here several times. We are putting her name first, but she is allowing me to retain my first name. And, of course, it's her last name, which I took years ago. If she wanted me to go exclusively by Mr. Lisa Smith, and no longer be known as “Charles,” that would have been OK with me, but she didn’t. A little too unconventional, I guess.

TAKING HER NAME (continued after a lapse of time)

CHARLES, now MR. LISA:

Lisa and I have decided that from now on we will be known as Ms. and Mr. Lisa S., thanks to the suggestion of Ms. Lynda. I decided to take this step because I feel I need to do more to further the new matriarchy, and hopefully this will generate questions and comments from women and men. I must admit, it may possibly be a little uncomfortable at first. I am going to the stationery store today to order some envelopes and address labels with the name “Ms. and Mr. Lisa S.,” so I guess today will be my first test as to how I will go about this. I will let you know how it goes.

Lisa’s mother, Catherine, shares most of Lisa’s viewpoints on this matter, so of course she thought it was a fantastic idea. As a matter of fact, Catherine is a member of a local feminist group, and she has been talking for a long time about having Lisa and me as guest speakers at one of their meetings. I can hear her now introducing us: “Please welcome my daughter and her husband, Ms. and Mr. Lisa S.”

Catherine enjoys seeing men in servile positions even more than Lisa does. The other day when I picked up her ankle bracelet after getting it fixed (I broke it), I brought it over to her house. She was just getting ready to go to dinner. When I went to hand her the anklet, she said, in a very nonchalant tone, “Put it on me would you, Charles?” So I did. She thanked me and I left.

As far as Catherine, Lisa’s mother, she is divorced and has been for as long as I have known her. She does date, and from what I have observed, she’s in charge of her relationships. Lisa wants me to go with her mother to speak to her feminist organization by myself. I believe Catherine is arranging it, and Lisa is going to write a short presentation for me, but I suspect the Q and A session will turn out to be the most interesting.

The female stationery clerk was quite surprised when I told her the names I wanted on the items I was ordering. When I explained it to her, she thought it was the greatest thing that I was actually taking my wife’s name. She told me that I was a really enlightened man and that she wished more men were like me. I think this is typical of the reaction of most women.

A DAY AT THE BEACH

MR. LISA: Lisa finally took a day off yesterday. We had a very relaxing day at the beach, and she seemed very relaxed and at ease the entire day. I tried to do everything I could possibly do to make her day enjoyable. I treated her like a queen at the beach. In fact, there were three women on a blanket next to us who commented to Lisa, “Where did you find him?” “Does he always do this for you?” etc., etc. I found all of these comments to be so complimentary to me. After the beach, Lisa’s mother came over and I made them a great dinner. After dinner, they sipped wine as I treated each of them to a pedicure. I gave Lisa a French pedicure and did her mother’s in a light pink. These really set off their tans. It made me happy to see how much they enjoyed their evening.

FYI: The French pedicure has a pink basecoat and the tip of the nail is white. Anyway, after soaking and lotioning the foot, the cuticle is pushed back, the tip of the nail is trimmed and filed (for a French pedicure, square it off a little). The light pink base coat (Lisa likes L'Oréal Barely Pink) is applied, allowed to dry and then the tip is done in white and curved to the shape of the nail. A clear coat is then applied when the nail is dry. It usually takes me about an hour to do this. And if you make a mistake, there’s always nail polish remover.

GOING SHOPPING

CHARLES: I frequently accompany my wife shopping, and on occasion, one or two of her friends will shop with her and I will happily accompany them. In order to make their shopping more enjoyable, not only will I carry their packages, but I will even take the outfits Lisa wants to try on to the dressing room for her and stand in line to pay so she doesn’t have to. I’ll hold her purse and her friends’ purses, if they want me to. I’ve never received anything but compliments from women, customers and salespeople alike. On occasion, a man will say something like, “Boy, does she have you trained,” usually jokingly. Any man who is saying this to me is probably out shopping with his wife as well and is probably also doing as he is told.

BUYING FEMININE PRODUCTS

MR. LISA: I have no problem buying most of Lisa's personal products, even pantyhose or hair and skin-care products at the salon. But I must confess that the feminine hygiene products I do still find incredibly embarrassing to buy. The way I do it is just mix them in with a large food order at the grocery store, and stay away from younger checkout employees. The older ones will never say anything, the younger ones have.

WORKING FOR LISA

MR. LISA: Yesterday I told Lisa that I would be willing to fill in for her assistant for the second two weeks in July. Lisa had already assumed that I would. In fact, she was very insistent upon it, almost demanding that I do it. I will still be expected to do all of the housework and give her the personal services she has become accustomed to. A monumental task, I think, but it’s what she wants, so I will do it. Although I worked for women for years, I am still intimidated at the prospect of working directly for Lisa, not to mention the other women in her office.

I’m also not ashamed to say that I am definitely Lisa’s intellectual inferior, she is brilliant, while I never finished college. It will be quite a challenge, and I hope I do not disappoint her.

In the office Lisa can be playful, and it is her office, she even owns the building. She has joked around a little with me, saying things like “If you want to get ahead in my company, you’ll have to perform under the boss’ desk.” So who knows what may happen. I can only hope.

The first day, yesterday, was tough. Lisa is an unbelievably busy woman and keeping up with her instructions is a difficult task, I made a lot of mistakes. Then, of course, when I got home, there were all of my other tasks at home to do. I worked till midnight. Yes, I realize (as Ms. Lynda pointed out) that it’s important for me to be reminded that Lisa doesn’t need me to succeed, but I like to think that her life is more enjoyable because of the things I do for her. However, the sex aspect aside, all of these are things she could hire or pay other people to do. She has chosen to allow me to do these things for her, so it is a privilege.

I think I did OK for my first week, although I was chastised for forgetting a few personal tasks she told me to do. Like yesterday, I was supposed to pick up her dress at the cleaners, but I forgot. I’m trying to come up with some new ways to pamper and please Lisa, so if an of you have any suggestions, please let me know. I want to rededicate myself to making Lisa’s home life even more enjoyable. As far as the presentation to Catherine’s feminist group, Lisa is going to prepare something for me this weekend with her mother’s input. I think they are going to get together on Sunday.

MR. LISA’S BIG PRESENTATION

MR. LISA: Lisa has told me that I will not be returning to work on any regular basis, not that I did a
bad job, just the opposite, but she needs me for other things. As far as my guest appearance at Catherine’s group, it’s next Wednesday. She and Lisa discussed it last evening as I gave them their weekly pedicure. Lisa cannot attend, but I know Catherine will do an excellent job of showing the group what a “perfect, supportive husband” is like. I have been instructed by Lisa to do whatever Catherine tells me to do and to make sure I answer everyone’s questions honestly. I intend to act quite subordinate to Catherine for the entire evening, to address her as “ma’am” and wait on her hand and foot for the entire evening. I will make Lisa proud of me.

My presentation went great. Lisa wrote me a short talk which I gave, which basically detailed the premise of our relationship. As expected, the questions from the women were many. I did my best to answer them. Of course, being a feminist group, all of the women were very pleased and very supportive. They really enjoyed the fact that I was openly called Mr. Lisa S, and many of them commented on the statement that made. I treated Catherine in a very subservient manner all evening, and of course her friends noticed this and thought it was fantastic.

PLANNING ANOTHER FEMINIST PARTY FOR HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW

MR. LISA: Toward the end of August, Catherine’s group is having an end-of-summer pool party. Catherine asked me if I would mind being the waiter/attendant for this party. Of course, I said yes, as long as Lisa agreed. Lisa agreed to it, and she will attend as well. In addition, I have to put the entire party together as well as being the waiter/attendant for it. I actually can’t wait.

I have been busy tending to my household duties and planning the party for Catherine’s organization. I’m basically done with all the plans. I found a woman-owned catering company to cater the affair and, at Catherine’s request, all waiters/servers will be males. They will be the only males at the party, other than me, of course. I have not yet been told what my duties will be on the actual day of the party.

Lisa will be attending the party as her mother’s guest. The women of the group will get a firsthand look at a true female-centered relationship (other than possibly their own). Lisa and Catherine have been playfully arguing about who “gets” me for the party, so I’ve got a feeling I’m going to be someone’s personal waiter or something like that, either Lisa’s or Catherine’s, depending on who wins the “argument.” I hope it’s Lisa; Catherine enjoys embarrassing me just a little bit too much. But either way, I’ll accept it and do a good job.

I did get the impression from some of the married women in the group that they were head of their households. However, although many of them kept their own names, none of them had husbands who took their names.

Catherine wants all the waiters in white shorts, shirts and shoes, kind of like a resort atmosphere. I’m supposed to wear the same “uniform.” My job at the party will to remain at Catherine’s side as her personal waiter for the afternoon/evening. Lisa thinks this will be a good experience for me. I have found that Catherine has no problem with my embarrassment or humiliation, and neither does Lisa.

For example, I remember one time when Lisa was trying on some skirts at a department store, and I was sitting in the “husbands” chair with Lisa’s packages, purse, etc. The saleswoman was looking at the skirt Lisa had on and said that perhaps she should try a size 4. Without even looking in my direction, Lisa points in my direction and snaps her fingers. I immediately go to her and Lisa simply says “Go find this in a size 4.” The saleswoman smiled and I heard her say, “Boy, he sure is handy.”

I felt embarrassed and objectified at the time. There are countless other examples. Lisa’s mother does insist on being called “Ma’am” by me, and I know I will have to do this for the party in front of all of her group members and some of her friends as well. Also, when shopping with Lisa, I cater to her every demand without the slightest complaint. I even get on my knees and take off and put on her shoes for her.

Once, a saleswoman was joking with Lisa as I was trying a pair of shoes on her. The saleswoman asked if Lisa makes me kiss her feet, so I playfully kissed Lisa’s instep, and both of them were entertained by this. I’m also on my knees before both Lisa and Catherine when I do their pedicures.

Sure, if Lisa wanted to, she could come up with some really humiliating situations, and I would comply without complaint. But neither of us like to be in the spotlight too much. Catherine, on the other hand, does not mind the spotlight. I can only imagine what a shopping trip with her would be like.

LISA’S TOTAL FINANCIAL CONTROL

MR. LISA: The feedback from my presentation [to Catherine’s feminist group] was that the women were totally impressed by the fact that Lisa is the “boss of everything.” I found that they were particularly impressed with the fact that Lisa totally controls all of the finances, that I have no access to the bank 
accounts, and that all financial matters are decided by Lisa. Many of these women earn large salaries, and I know they were taking notes regarding our financial arrangement.

GETTING TEASED WHILE DOING ERRANDS

MR. LISA: I’ve been busy the past two days putting most of Lisa’s summer wardrobe away and getting her fall wardrobe ready. This means lots of laundry, ironing and trips to the dry cleaners. Also, soon Lisa will be going back to wearing pantyhose as the cooler weather comes, so this morning she gave me a shopping list which required a trip to Victoria’s Secret to get her four pair of pantyhose (Lisa really likes their pantyhose, although at $14.00 a pair, I think they are expensive).

I approached the counter and told the saleswoman why I was there, and of course, she smiled and thought it was great. Two customers nearby also thought it was fantastic that my wife sent me out to buy her pantyhose. The four of us had a conversation about my situation, my duties, and my status as a househusband. Each of these women thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. When I mentioned that my wife had a real estate agency, one of the women asked if I had one of her cards (which I always carry). I gave this woman Lisa’s card since the woman said she is in the market for a home.

Then it was off to the hair salon to get Lisa’s shampoo and styling gel. I usually dread going there because the woman who owns this salon likes to tease and embarrass me. Also, I made the mistake of going there after Victoria’s Secret, so I walked into the salon with the VS bag. The salon owner saw the bag and said loudly, “Oh, it’s you, the little househusband, how are you? Aww, did she send you out to buy her underwear?” I nodded yes.

Let me see what you bought her,” she said, so I handed her the bag. “Oh, pantyhose, isn’t that nice.” Several of the stylists were standing at the desk, and they all started giggling and smiling and making little comments. Finally the owner just said, “We love teasing you, you know that, don’t you?”

Now that I think about it, being teased by these attractive women was very exciting. Even now a few days later, I almost can’t wait to go back. As far as my name, it’s an honor to be known as Mr. Lisa.

A NEW INTIMATE SERVICE

MR. LISA: Last night as I was cleaning the kitchen, I was thinking to myself, what more can I do for my wife. I do so much for her now, but I want to do more. What other ways can I pamper her and make her life easier?

I asked Lisa yesterday if there was something more I could do to make her life easier. She told me that she really hates shaving her legs and that if I could come up with a system to do it for her, it would be great. Actually I’ve done this before for her, but never on a routine basis. What I want to do is to turn it from a chore to a relaxing pampering experience for her each morning.

I was thinking of doing it on a massage table right after her shower. She could lie down and relax for a few minutes while I shaved and lotioned her legs. This would probably take no more than ten minutes, but it would save her an equal number of minutes in the shower, plus relieve her of a tedious job. We already have a massage table in her spa room that I could use.

PROMOTING THE COMING MATRIARCHY

MR. LISA: I truly believe that the tides are changing, and a world where women rule is an inevitability. It is our responsibility to nurture this idea and help make other men know that there is nothing wrong with women being in charge. In fact, it should be emphasized how much better things would be if women were in charge of just about everything.

(End of two-parter on the Matriarchal Marriage of Mrs. Lisa)