PASTOR FLORENCE & CHRISTIAN MATRIARCHY

(Editorial Note: The following first appeared on the now defunct Spousechat message board in October, 2002; it is reprinted here with the permission of Mark Remond from his Spousechat Archive still available on his blog, Worshipping Your Wife.—Thomas Lavalle)

“Wife Worshipper” writes: My household is a definite matriarchy and it’s Christian! I always knew she was powerful, opinionated and no-nonsense. But, in the beginning, mainly because of faulty theology, I tried to “be the man and leader.” Definite personality clash and just plain role mismatch; she was frustrated and so was I. But, thank God, we met a middle-aged ministry couple in Indiana during a dinner party at her brother’s home.

The wife, Pastor Florence, was the minister of a local evangelical congregation; her husband helped her ministry. Being of similar Christian persuasion I asked all my questions about the “man's role” and what God says. I expected her to say that her hubby was the head of the house and that God just used her in a special way in ministry (I’ve heard that before). But thankfully, she had a different take altogether. She said, in front of us all, that SHE was definitely the head of their household and that Teddy was in loving submission to HER and furthermore that’s just how God intended it to be! Theodore just smiled and nodded.

She went on to explain that God's plan calls for a head of the household, not specifically the male. She proved it to us: that if you read those passages about marriage along with those that say there is no master or slave, man or woman in God's kingdom, you must conclude that the plan is that someone must represent Christ’s leadership of the Church and someone must be in loving submission as the Church, but this was not based primarily on gender but spiritual attainment.

Since she was chosen by God’s grace spiritually to lead His flock of hundreds of souls, wasn’t it obvious that she’d lead her home, too? I laughed nervously. She just smiled then addressed us all as she followed up by saying that, in fact, in her experience the wife is almost always the more spiritually developed partner, which is the only measure for leadership that counts to God. Women prayed more and showed more maturity and were just more practical.

After a brief and funny “war of the sexes,” we all were forced to agree that men exhibit more immaturity and just weren’t as spiritually committed to family growth as their wives by and large. Pastor Florence then said, “Look, when you combine that with women’s opportunity to go to seminary or get educated in our country, which wasn’t available back then, it’s clear who is fit to lead more often than not.”

The wives let up a little hurrah; my wife beamed. Pastor Florence’s husband then piped up and supported his wife’s credentials as leader and said he would have it no other way.

After dinner, my wife and I spoke to Pastor Florence privately about her marriage. She asked many questions and listened to our story. After she had heard my wife’s complaints (indeed I was the couch potato on Sunday morning while she was often trying to drag me to church --- sound familiar?) and then talked to me for a while about my stress and confusion, she prayed a little prayer with us. I was astonished! But our lives have never been the same since.

She said: “Dear Jesus, please bless this couple’s marriage, keep it strong and bless them with all of your promises. Let dear Tim recognize your image in Stacy, and give Stacy grace and courage to take the reins of leadership as mother and wife, help her to lead their marriage with compassion and wisdom. Open Tim’s heart to loving submission to you and to her and by this may they avoid a broken marriage and through you may she strengthen his resolve for you...”

Well! We pray that prayer to this day and things got better and better, I can tell you! We got to church, checkbooks were magically balanced, the house was peaceful and well kept up, I lost weight - you name it!

This past wedding anniversary we traveled to Indiana, to Pastor Florence, to reaffirm our vows and I surprised my wife by arranging to take her name legally. Lots of red tape, lots of funny looks. But we have been blessed, I can tell you! My wife now owns her own home-based business, and it is very, very successful.

I am not too proud to say that my role is to help her in any way I can, to submit to and love her, and I’m glad that she needs me in this way. The gift of loving submission to her has made her blossom into the leader God intended her to be. Things are great at church, in our social life, at home, and in the bedroom. Men should not be too afraid or ego-centered to admit the truth to themselves: If you look long and hard at you and her, shouldn’t she be calling the shots after all?

God bless,
Tim (aka “Wife Worshipper”)

THE MATRIARCHAL WOLRD OF MR. LOUISE

(Editor’s Note: Here is a little treasure rescued from the long defunct “Spousechat” message board, which was active between 2001 and 2003. Originally intended as a networking site for the husbands of breadwinner wives, Spousechat spontaneously became a hangout for passionate advocates for “matriarchal marriages” in which husbands (like Mr. Louise) played enthusiastically supportive roles. The only substantial excerpts I’m aware of are on Mark Remond’s Worshihpping Your Wife blog.)

MR. LOUISE:

I am happy to see a support network like this for men just like myself and strong, capable women like Mrs. Louise. She is a rock and a tower of strength and I’m glad to submit to her in any way I can. We were married last year and were fully aware of our roles before we walked down the aisle. I took her name. No, not secretly and not just on paper. We walked into our reception as Ms. and Mr. D. (her name) and I’ve never looked back.

We are glad we have found a church (Unitarian) and a community (a support group of house husbands) that support our matriarchal lifestyle. We are sure that Goddess has intended our union to be wife-centered and wife led. She is the authority I recognize and submit to, and in turn she loves, cherishes and supports me.

I urge all men to submit completely: not just sexually. That is the easy part. Submit to your wife’s discipline (yes, we believe in loving marital discipline), her control over the finances, her right to make decisions with or without consulting you. In our house, this has led to the blessings of matriarchy: greater harmony, peace, and togetherness. Recognize the image of your Heavenly Mother in your wife each day and you will submit naturally and feel good doing it!

MR. LOUISE:

Ms. Louise has asked me to write a short description of my spirituality and how matriarchy has helped our lives together. First of all, my spouse support group began as a discussion group at my Unitarian church in the Metro DC area. It was a biblical discussion group for husbands of women in leadership roles. Our moderator is a wonderful married deaconess in the church who is also a successful administrator of a senior citizens' community. She teaches the class with her husband who remains silent. We choose to worship God the Mother, Queen, and Creator of Nature.

Our study revolves around the Mother’s plan for our wives as representing Her being the Queen of her household; being the Mother of our home; the Mistress of our financial lives; the Lady whom we serve; and our Teacher/Matron. I can say that many in our group are in various stages of submission to our wives but our goal is to achieve better and perfect submission to our wives.

My wife is the absolute center of our home. I have learned complete submission of our finances (though I work, I get an allowance), our home (which means my wife decides all with my loving help, and gives me maternal discipline), and our sex life (which means she decides when, where, and how, which for me as for all submissive men is a thrill).

MS. LYNDA:

In your group, how many men are known by their wife’s last name? How many of these men have children? Are they raising the children to appreciate matriarchy?

MR. LOUISE:

Most are legally, but all are known that way in our personal group. Only a few couples (five) have had a chance for children yet and, yes, I do believe that all of those husbands are the primary caretaker. They love their beautiful kids (ages between 2 and 12) and teach them about the honor of Mommy’s special leadership role and daddy’s beautiful and loving submission to Mommy per Mother God’s wondrous plan in their lives.

I for one firmly believe that in our wickedly male-obsessed society that a boy should be taught to submit to his Mother God and pray each night that She will send to him a Woman to govern him with as much love and wisdom as his Mommy has. And, though I know few people agree, I do think boy children should be physically disciplined and punished by their mothers only. And I don’t think girls should be physically punished in any way, and least of all by their fathers! A Girl needs room to explore just how God has made her different, and responsible—not just for herself but for her future husband who, Goddess willing, will serve her faithfully. But boys need boundaries and discipline set exclusively by their mothers, or they’ll never learn in our society how to give true submission to their future wives from their deepest heart and soul.

MR. LOUISE:

Any one of our friends know just what I mean when I jokingly say I am under my wife’s skirt and that our marriage is “a petticoat government.” They can see her obvious maternal/matriarchal control over our house and accept us. It is no secret. My greatest thrill in our social life is when we have a few friends over and the wives all talk openly to each other and the men are finally lulled by Ms. Louise’s dominance and their own wives into quiet, sensible submission. The sound of male quiet during female conversation is the music of a matriarchal home. If I excitedly offer my opinion, Ms. Louise often returns me to my place with a loving chide: "Honey, please, the women are speaking now." And that is the motto of our matriarchy: the women are speaking now; men, you’ve had your chance, and please be silent.”

Now, boys, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go and draw Ms. Louise a nice, long hot bath with rose hips and sandalwood oil and fix her tea. She”s spent all night at the office and is waiting for my attention. I, as I hope all matriarchal men, would rather wash and massage her body, shave her legs, get her silky robe, spray her aroma therapy, put on her soft music and just listen to her day over chocolate and sparkling wine than almost anything else in the Godess’ world.

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